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Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Why Hast Thou Forsaken Me?

Something told me after last Thursday's rehearsal for the church Christmas Play, to take our daughter out. Now the children practiced for the play for weeks. Last Thursday was the first time I sat in on a rehearsal. Surely since Mommy is in the audience she will be on her best behavior. Wrong! She put her arms, not hands, down in her pants- up to her elbows- I guess her arms were cold. She fidgeted a lot. Did some dancing (not part of the play). While the others were singing, she beat her chest twice with her fist and gave the peace sign. A friend in the audience tried to make me feel better by saying, "Hey, at least it wasn't half a peace sign". Where does she get this stuff from?
I talk to her about it after rehearsal and explain that she will not be able to do the play if she doesn't get it together. She seemed remoarseful but........ you'll see.
On the way home I phone daddy to let him know how practice went. I filled him in on everything she did.
We get home and he tells her he wants to talk to her. "Baby, we need to talk about what happened at practice tonight".
"Uh, didn't you already talk to mommy about it on her 'cegullar' phone?" she asks.
He moves to the edge of the couch and gives me a "Who is she talking to?" look. Then I give him a, "That's your child" look.
He bites his bottom lip and says, "Baby, you need to take it upstairs to your room before I-I- just take it upstairs".
Sunday morning comes and she is excited! I speak to her again about the importance of doing what she is suppossed to do in the play and no playing around. No EXTRAS! She assures me that she understands and will do the right thing. I give her a hug and pray over her:
Lord please help her to do the right things. Lord you know I don't want to go to jail but I clare if this four-footer gets up there on that stage and shows out... amen.
I take her back stage with the other angels in the play and hurry off to the Pre-K classroom to get them ready to go into the sanctuary to see the performance.
We get seated in the front just minutes before the show starts. I take a deep breath and exhale slowly.
All of the angels come on stage and I see her. I thought front row was a bad idea but she is one of the smallest ones. She's smiling and I feel like things may go okay. Then... not soon after the first song, she takes her halo off, leans her head back and flips her hair from side-to-side. She put it back on, then leans over to tie her shoe. She ties that shoe half-way through the next song. Jesus, Jesus, Jesus.
When it is finally her turn to do her solo (The First Noel) she steps up to the microphone confidently. The music starts and she points sternly at the director, who is seated in front of the stage. The director discreetly, with two fingers, points to her own eyes and points at my daughter- letting her know that she has her eyes on her. Well, my daughter does the same thing and tells the director that she has her eyes on her too. They go back and forth- the director is trying to be discreet and the audience can't see her well but they see the broken angel on stage. The audience is cracking up.
Surprisingly she still mangages to get through her song. She turns to go back to her spot and the audience applauds- someone stood up and clapped on the front row. She turns back to the audience and smiles. She goes back to her spot and bows. I am slumped down in my seat, hoping that people couldn't see her well enough to know she was mine. I didn't get it. I prayed over her. I look up and cry out, "Why Hast Thou Forsaken Me?"



1 comment:

ColorBlind417 said...

I can't believe I had to stand backstage and miss her "performance". Hopefully I will be in the front row when she receives her Oscar!