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Thursday, July 19, 2018

Visits

A glass of wine should be a prerequisite before annual gynecological visits. I've had these visits for years but still haven't gotten used to them yet. The most recent visit was made a year in advance so you'd think I was anxiety-free. I should have postponed this one. My allergies have been brutal this summer. My usual pill in the morning, a pill at night and a nasal squirt here and there usually allows me to be okay.
Not this time.
I was sneezing as soon as I signed in. Sneezing in the waiting area. I think the folks waiting were worried that I had something contagious and needed to wear a mask.
"Allergy season," I offered between sneezes. Sara (well she looked to be that old) looked like she didn't believe me, which was fine because it was hard for me to believe someone her age would still be required to lay back and put her feet in those little contraptions for an exam.
Unfortunately, the nurse was on time.
"Mrs. Jackson", she smiled as she welcomed me back.
"How are you today?" she continued.
I would be great if I didn't have to come here today. 
"I'm fine. Hope you are?" I lied.
"Doing great! Thanks for asking. Are there any changes in your health or any questions; concerns for the doctor today? she asked.
"Is there any possible way to get exempt from this exam or get modifications?" I laughed but was so serious.
As she prepared to get my blood pressure, she laughed too.
"Your blood pressure is a little higher than last time."
"I've got a little normal anxiety with this exam." It's always a little elevated when I see white lab coats, specimen catchers, stirrups that aren't at the bottom of pants, silver instruments, modified gowns, and crinkly white paper I have to lay on.
She kindly patted my shoulder, directed me to do the usual: get fully undressed, put the gown on and wait for the doctor.
I reached for a magazine but he and the nurse had the nerve to be professional and timely as usual and come in to get started.
Sneezing started up again. Not good.
He started but had to stop a few times while I sneezed.
"Whoa! You okay?" he asked at one point.
"YES!" I said loudly, trying to cover the slipped, involuntary flatulence that sometimes occurs when I sneeze uncontrollably. I was so embarrassed.
Finally finished and dressed he did have good news! I was eligible to get exams every three years now!!!!
Maybe a postrequisite glass of wine?