She's Playing Basketball

Maurissa has started her second sport. We are trying basketball. Last Spring she and her brother did soccer and that went pretty well, except for the time she went to use the port-a-john and took so long that a line formed to use it- parents and their kids. Embarrassing wasn't a powerful enough word. Only to find out that she was in there doing number two! In a port-a- john? She said she lined it as she normally does when we go out but still... I'm sayin'. Anyway, that was an earlier post.
Well Thursday night was her second practice for basketball. They practice at the local YMCA. So there are other groups in the gym and lots of people. As I look around, I see that OTHER kids are listening and trying to do the drills, etc. Well not mine. She couldn't free her hands enough to try to get the ball to do anything. Her hands were busy pulling something out of her butt.
"Maybe her panties are too big and she is trying to pull them up," Dude said.
"No, there is nothing wrong with her panties," I said rubbing my temples.
"You think it's her pants?" He whispered.
"No! It's not her panties, pants- I don't know what she is doing but she definitely ain't trying to be discreet about it!" I answered.
"Now look at her!" I was at a loss.
She was bending over trying to see us throuh her legs.
"Hey, Mommy!"she waved... through her legs.
I motioned for her to stand up and pay attention.
When one of the coaches tried to tell her what to do on defense she was standing there batting her eyes, smiling hard with her top lip tucked under and twirling her hair. It was ridiculous.
At one point I felt a little better because she was jumping up and down, waving her arms. So I figured she was trying to block a shot. Well, no. I realized no one was near her. Her teammates were near the goal passing the ball around. Well at least she did get that part that they showed her. Have to work on using the skills at the right time.
I guess I was getting so flustered that Dude told me I was banned from practices from now on.
"Nope you can't come anymore. And I know you are probably giving her the evil eye."
I may have tried to give her the evil eye once or twice but she either didn't see me or ignored me.
At one point she whispered something to one of the coaches and pointed at me. Would love to know what that was about.
Not sure if or when she will be ready for a game. Not sure if I will either. Geez!

Crack Head!

Like other folks, as the kids get older and outgrow their toys we just gather them up and either give them to organizations like Goodwill or have a Yard Sale. We have had a few yard sales in the past few years- usually when our neighborhood has one as a whole.
For some reason our two little ones seem to think it is wrong to do this. We have explained that other kids who may not have toys, benefit from their old toys. They obviously do not know that when toy makers make the toys- they don't just make one for them only.
We were visiting a friend and happen to walk by her garage. Myles sees her daughter's toys and blurts out, with an attitude, "Hey we had that!" Then glares back at me. "Until my mommy sold it."
I tried to ignore him and move on with my conversation with my friend. But then his sister chimes in.
"Mommy. Why do you always sell our toys all the time?"
Myles jumps in to help her- "You sell them all the time. You sold it to them (referring to my friend and her daughter)!"
Then they proceed to have a discussion as if I am not there.
Myles: "Remember our slip and slide thing... she sold that."
Maurissa: "Oh and you remember your little Barney toy you got from Target... she sold that too."
Myles: "She sold my Barney toy?"
"Look! I don't always sell your toys but when you don't play with them, I just pass them on. I told yall that!" I screamed.
My friend laughed.
"Girl, they make it seem like I am a crack head, going out selling everything all the time for cash."
Didn't realize what I had said and the little ears listening.
"Mommy. What's a crack head?"

Spelling Words

Okay I am sure that many parents do this. When you are trying to have a conversation with another adult and you are in the presence of your kids, you may spell some words so the kids won't know what you are talking about. The point is not to say the word. Nowadays with our little seven-year-old precocious daughter, we have to just abort the conversation totally or spell really fast.
Well I found out last night that I also have to be cognizant of who I am choosing to do this with. I now know I canNOT do this with Daddy (not mad at him right now so he is not Dude).
Case and point- Daddy and I were talking while our kids were in the room. They were watching television but you never know how much they are really into the show, so you spell and/or use code words.
Me: "We should start getting the plans together for our V-A-C-A-T-I-O-N to that place down South."
Daddy: (Bewildered) "What?"
Me: (Already rolling my eyes) "You know... where the big rat is with all his friends."
Daddy: ?
Me: (ready to spell bad words but he wouldn't get it) "You know. We go there in the S-U-M-M-E-R. Warm place. Number one destination for fams."
Daddy: "Oh! Yes we do! I A-G-E-E."
Me: "W-T-H?" "Why did you spell that out? And you spelled it wrong. You left out the R."
Me: "I will check on some dates and stuff. How do we want to go this time? P-L-A-N-E, D-R-I-V-E... what?"(speaking fast)
Daddy: (Trying to visualize the words first) "Okay, Okay."
Me: "Geez, this is why you need to learn Spanish."
Daddy: "Si, but ya girl (pointing at Maurissa) know Spanish too."
Me: "Yes you are right."
Daddy: "I got it now. (Now attempting to move faster) I think we should F-L-Y to Disney World if we can get our tickets E-A-R-L-Y."
All it took was for him to say the word I was trying to avoid and both kids were looking at us.
Myles: "What about Disney World?" "I heard Daddy say Disney World."
Without taking her eyes off the TV, Maurissa summarizes the conversation for her brother.
"Myles. Mommy is trying to plan the trip to Disney World but Daddy can't understand her."
"Mommy, I like flying as long as we don't miss our plane like we did last time," she added.
Myles starts dancing. "We going to Disney World. We going to Disney World!"
I just folded my arms.

Telling My Kids' Business

Okay... the kids have started the year off...as their usual little selves.
So we are riding and I see the pastor of our church and his wife beside us.
"Hey, there is Pastor Bill," I casually say... aloud.
"Who Pastor Bill? The White Pastor Bill?" my five-year-old son asks.
After choking a little from laughing I answered, "No. There is only one Pastor Bill and he is not White- he's Black."
He's bewildered.
"He's Black? He look White to me."
"No his skin is just lighter, but trust me he is Black," I confirmed.
"Oh. Well he look like Pa Pa and he Indian so I guess Pastor Bill is Indian too."
His sister chimes in.
"Mama. You know my friend Katelyn in my class?"
I tell her yes just so she won't take time trying to make me know her.
"Well, I thought she was White- I mean she looks White- but she said she is Indian like Pa Pa too!"
"Okay, baby girl, that's fine."
"Well she said she is Indian so I have to just take her word for it," she added.
So while she and her brother have their little conversation behind me, I dial up Dude.
I'm trying to talk low and tell him about seeing the pastor and what our son said.
When I hang up, the little five-year-old asks, "Mama. Can I tell you sumpin'?"
"Sure!"
"Can you not tell people our business and call and gossip about us?"
His sister co-signs for him.
"Yeah mama. Sometimes when we have conversations with you, you gossip about us to other people like Pa Pa and Grandma or Daddy!"
They keep going on and on about it until I finally say something.
"HEY! Y'all are too young to have any business for me to tell anyway!"
The nerve.

Christmas Questions

Another great Christmas! This year our little precious seven and five-year-old kids attempted to put their own toys together. They actually did a great job too! They had a lot of questions too!
After opening one of his requested items, the little five-year-old, puzzled, asked,
"How did Santa know I wanted this Pixos?"
"Don't worry about it. You got it didn't you?" I kindly asked. "Besides... you put it on your list."
"Actually he didn't mama. When we were sitting in your room and the commercial came on, we told YOU that we wanted the Pixos," his seven-year-old, technically correct sister chimed in.
Dude tried to muffle his laugh.
"Well I told Santa then!" I replied.
"You talked to Santa?"
By this time my parents and Dude were looking at us as if they were watching a tennis match.
"JUST OPEN YOUR GIFTS!" I KINDLY suggested.
It was finally time to clean up some of the clutter and help them put things together.
"Here are the batteries for your things," I told them.
The puzzled look returned.
"Uh... how did you know what batteries to get us?"
"Don't worry about it! We just happen to have these batteries!"
All these questions- I just think we need to tell them the truth. Santa gets too much credit anyway.

Dawn, Tide, Mr. Bubbles... All the Same!

I'm not sure if my five-year-old will want to take a bubble bath for awhile. I ran his water last night and he was jumping around saying, "Bubbles, Bubbles!"
Well I didn't have any and I just wanted him to get in the tub so I could get some peace. So I did what any, Black person who grew up in the 70's and 80's would have done... I got the next best thing- some dish detergent.
"Stop jumping around and go get mommy the dish detergent from the sink in the kitchen," I told him.
He stopped. Thought about it and had a peculiar look on his face.
He slowly walked in looking at the blue Dawn liquid.
"Mommy what are you gonna do with-?"
I squeezed some in the running water.
I mean I didn't think anything of it. I remember my grandma putting washing POWDER like Tide in my water back in the day. Getting the real deal was a treat!
"Go on and get in," I coaxed.
He was confused so I just nicely helped him in. I had things to do.
I went around the corner and peeked at him. I had to put my hand over my mouth so he wouldn't hear me laughing.
He sat there with his mouth open- bewildered, confused- he had every look in the book.
I didn't hear any splashing for several minutes like I usually did when he was in the tub.
Needless to say he didn't stay in long.

I Gotta Draw The Line Somewhere

Thanksgiving is behind us now. This means all leftovers should be discarded immediately. Would someone tell Dude- I mean my husband that. He actually thought me and the kids were gonna eat it. No! We are tired of it now. I was tired after the second day.
"Okay. Today is the last day I will eat it and I will throw everything out tonight," he promised.
So he went on and fixed his last plate.
I know I shouldn't have such a big issue about it- I mean after all, he's grown so if HE wants to eat it, let him... right?
Well, it kinda affects me too.
He ate some leftover chitterlings. I mean "chittlins'.
I have already described them to our two little ones in great, nasty details, in hopes they will not want to eat them. Dude said that was wrong but hey- nobody should eat that stuff.
Well I told him that nothing was gonna go down tonight. Nada! I just cannot begin to think of a kiss after chewing those things- and they were cooked days ago. Oh naw!
I may be wrong but I just can't get past it. It ain't enough toothpaste in the Crest warehouse to convince me to even give him a peck on the cheek tonight. I gotta draw the line somewhere.