Bob

Okay...we've always-well I've always used big girl words with the kids when referencing body parts. Boys don't have "little wee-wees" and girls don't have "pocket books". And we have always purposely allowed them to see us be affectionate with one another. They need to see hugs and kisses. And we like to have conversations when topics come up. We had planned to talk with our nine-year-old son about sex soon. Well we should've sped it up. We planned to use our big words too. SEX! Not "Bob". So he comes home and just jumps right into it... Targeting me. He looks me up-and-down, deplorably, and asks, "Mama...you had Bob with Daddy two times?" Now I teach students how to use context clues to figure out new, unfamiliar words so I put the clues together. Caught off guard but too cool to be embarrassed, I calmly used my big girl words, "OMG!" He just continued on. "Well technically you did it THREE times because you [voice goes down with some slack] got IMpregnant with that other baby who didn't make it- And Mama I think that was gonna be a boy BUT that makes THREE times Mama!" He held up those three little fingers. I did the only thing I knew to do at that moment... "Boy! Look at your fingernails! Go get the clippers. Makes no sense and you questioning me. I'm grown!" I flipped on him so quickly that it got him off track. Briefly. While I clipped his nails slowly, he watched me. He looked as if he didn't know me. The mom he'd had since May 2003. He is wise. Knew I had the clippers. Waited until I clipped the last one then said, "Mama?" Apple don't fall far- "What's this 'Bob' mess you talkin' about?" He explained that on the playground he and other boys use it as a giggly code word. After some interrogation on my part I discovered he didn't find out too much on the streets- I mean playground. After wrapping up- no pun intended- for bed and saying prayers, he walked upstairs and said, "Well, when I get older I don't know about having a baby with my wife." I laughed. "Your wife would HAVE the baby. Not you." "But I gotta process all that with her."