Underwear... Never Leave Home Without 'EM

My grandmother used to say, "You always wanna make sure you got on clean underwear... ya never know what might happen. Ya might have to go to the emergency room or somethin!"
Well my underwear was clean but... okay I was rushing before I left the house and I hadn't washed clothes in some time, so, it's summer and it was there in sight- I grabbed my blue bikini bottoms. No big- I wasn't going to be out long. No one would know.
Maurissa and I had an errand to run then I decided to stop in a local clothing store... to look. We both saw something we liked, so, what the heck- we tried it on. We would just zip in and out.
Walking to the dressing room I realized what I had on. There was no way I was going to let "silly" see. But I couldn't let her have her own fitting room so I thought it will be okay.
We went in, I closed the curtain and rushed her to change. While she lifted her shirt over her head I quickly tried to take my shorts off so she wouldn't notice.
"What in da world!"
Too late.
I tried to shush her. "Just try on your dress!"
She slowly tried on her dress- disgustingly distracted by my appearance.
"That looks cute on you," I sweetly said, trying to distract her. "Now take it off- we gotta go," I quickly switched.
The snickering started. I closed my eyes and thought, I can't believe I'm acting like this with a six-year-old.
Realizing there were other customers in the fitting rooms, I gave her the look: DON'T START NONE, WON'T BE NONE! Her look: NO COMPRENDE!
As I begin to pull off my shirt, she asks, "Mommy, why you got your swimming bottoms on?"
"Just- just- just don't worry 'bout it," I whisper with my shirt over my face.
"Mommy where is the other part?" she asks, while pulling at my bra.
I snatch away- stuck with my shirt over my head- and the laughing begins.
"Mommy look at your-"
I try to cover her mouth with the shirt still over my face, and we scuffle. She continues to laugh. She has managed to turn this into a game. The giggles get louder as I try to cover her mouth.
"Look at your belly!" she giggles.
I can finally see, and I am out of breath.
"It looks like you're havin' a baby in dair," she pats my belly. "Mommy you gotta do your exercises."
I hear people in the fitting rooms giggling now.
"Well, I've had TWO kids come out of this belly!" I said loud enough for all to hear. "Let's go Maurissa!"

The Toof Fairy is a Teef

Maurissa (now six) lost another tooth! Actually it was loose and SHE pulled it.
“Oh my gosh! I hope I get a lot of money this time from the tooth fairy!”
She was so excited about it. She had to find something to put the tooth in-before putting it under her pillow.
“You’re puttin’ your tooth in a sock?” I asked.
“Well, last time I loseded my toof, the fairy didn’t get it. I don’t think she could see it.”
That was our [mommy and daddy] fault. We are new at this stuff. We put the money under the pillow but forgot to get the tooth. Gotta remember that this time.
“Last time you ‘lost’ your tooth. And try to get an old sock or one without a mate,” I told her.
Skipping off to her room, she nonchalantly replied, “Mama it’s just a sock. It’s not a big deal.”
I glared at her going up the steps as she flashed her new jack-o-lantern look.
“Well, maybe you can buy your own socks with your money from the TOOF fairy!”
On any other night, it was like pulling teeth- all pun intended- to get her and her younger brother to bed. But just like the previous three times, she lost teeth- she was getting in bed…on time…on her own…with a short prayer and a smile. Praying that God would…
“Please help the toof fairy to give me more dollars so I can put it wiff my oder monies I got so I can get the Polly Pocket boat. You know da one like my friend Ricki has at her house. And please help my wittle brother (grimacing) to lose his own teef so he can get his own stuff and not play wit mines! Amen!”
It didn’t take her long to fall asleep.
Daddy and I planned to go in just before we turned in, and do our tooth fairy duties and exchange her little tooth for two or three dollars.
Well…it didn’t happen that way. We fell asleep watching television.
Fortunately, I did wake up-as most moms do- before the two little ones. Minutes after starting breakfast, it hit me- I FORGOT TO PUT MONEY UNDER HER PILLOW!
Frantically, I ran to my bedroom. Fumbling through my purse, I realized I spent my last bit of cash at the grocery store yesterday. For a brief unrealistic moment I looked at my checkbook.
“NO!” the rational part of my brain said.
I rant to wake daddy.
“Please tell me you have some cash on you?” I asked.
He slowly moved to look for his wallet. Slowly.
Snapping my fingers I told him to hurry. “You know she will be up any minute. Come on!”
But he didn’t have any cash on hand either.
Then it hit me! I remembered her prayer. She had money in her jewelry box in the top of her closet. I could take a few dollars from there and replace it later after breakfast. An ATM was five minutes from the house. I took three dollars out and quietly slipped them under her pillow.
It was close. Minutes later she was up.
“The toof fairy came!” she yelled.
We ran up to her room with a convincingly surprised look.
“Wow! How much did you get princess?” I asked, smiling and winking at Daddy.
“I got three dollars!”
She jumped out of bed and followed us downstairs for breakfast.
“See mommy’s are always thinking on their feet,” I whispered to Daddy.
“I’m glad you were thinking,” he replied, gulping down a glass of orange juice.
Putting the glass down on the table, he asked, “Now how much do you need for that Polly Pocket thing you were talking ‘bout?”
I vividly pictured the eggs in front of me, hitting him in the face. But I let go of the bowl. I put my face in my hands and shook my head.
“What?” he asked.
Maurissa’s fork hit her plate and she was off to her room… to get her jewelry box…to count her money.
I just looked at Daddy while he calmly ate his breakfast- being careful not to look up.
She slowly came back to the table.
Disappointed she said, “I think the toof fairy took some of my money. And…(she opens her hand) she forgot the toof.”
I didn’t know what to say.
“The toof fairy is a teef!” she said.
“You mean a Thief,” Daddy corrected.
I stared at him again in disbelief.