Consequences For Who?

As I begin typing this post, I began thinking about Jackie Gleeson's character, Ralph, on the old show, The Honeymooners. Sometimes I want to say those infamous words Ralph used on the show, "One of these days, one of these days... POW! Right in the kisser!"
You know I try to mix the consequences up when it comes to things our children do. I mainly try this for our sweet, creative, cut-from-a-different-cloth, precocious little, eight-year-old, daughter. To be honest, our son, seems fairly easy to raise. He seems to...GET IT!
Well, I can't remember what it was she did, but just trust me, she did something. Anywho, I decided to make her go to bed early. I don't think the sun had quite set and it was a Friday night. This is her favorite night because she gets to, of course, stay up late since the next day is not a school day.
Of course I lectured her, while she got into her pajamas and brushed her teeth.
Well the next day she was up bright and early. And I heard her upstairs waking her brother up. I didn't think that plan out did I? This meant I could not sleep in late.
To add to my plight, she was humming, every so sweetly around the house. It almost sound like she was humming the song, Singing in the Rain. Just to push my buttons eh?
Then she came floating in our room with a smile on her face and planted a big, wet, kiss on my cheek.
"Thank you Mama!" she said.
"For what?" I grimaced.
"For making me go to bed early last night. I feel refreshed!"
Then she pinched my cheek.
"One of these days, one of these days..." I thought.

Kids...They Know More Than We Think

I guess I can understand why our kids may think we are dysfunctional parents. We used to try to talk in front of them by spelling words. "Did you get the t-i-c-k-e-t for our excursion to D-i-s-n-e-y?" I would ask Daddy. He would take too long to figure it out. I would get frustrated. Then our daughter, who was probably five or six at the time said, "Daddy. Did you get the tickets for our trip, to Disney World?" Then added, "Mama. You have to add an S to ticket because we need more than one."
And then there's the time (you can read it in an earlier blog) I wanted to just "keep it real" and tell our daughter that she had a vagina but her dad wanted to, and still does, refer to it as a pocketbook. I mean come on!
Well, we were eating out recently and our son asked how could people have children who aren't really theirs. I swallowed my drink, sat it down on the table and while looking at Daddy to get backup, I answered, "Well some people might have children before they get married. Then when they do they bring their children with them after they get married and start living together."
Daddy shook his head and muttered, "You shouldn't have opened that box." Our son sat there with a curious look. My answer had not satisfied his little curiosity. Before I could add on, his sister slurped her drink and said, It's like our uncle. He has a son who lives with him and he is his step-son. They are called step-children or step-parents." Then she went back to eating. Daddy and I just looked at each other.
But we weren't off the hook.
"But Uncle Don has another son who don't live with him. How did he do that?"
Daddy looked at me. "See Uncle Don used to be married to his son's mom a long time ago (lied). Then he got married to someone else." Our little one was now more confused than ever. Our little, well-educated daughter threw her hands up and said, with much volume, "They got a divorce! D-i-v-o-r-c-e!"
"Mama," our son started again. Before he could say anything else, I said, "Hey! Ask your sister."
They know more than we think.

Six-Year-Olds

Our six-year-old son wanted so badly to help Dude dig a pit for his high school track and field students yesterday. "No buddy. You have on brand new shoes," he told him. "But I tell you what- we will remember to bring an old pair of shoes tomorrow and you can help."
Well our "attentive" son managed to get in that pit anyway while Dude wasn't looking. After Dude reprimanded him- fortunately, more like a Huxtable dad than Joe Jackson- he told him that after homework, he wanted him to write about Why He Should Listen to His Parents.
So after he finished writing his sentences for homework I reminded him of his writing prompt.
"Mama? You gone make me do that fo' real?"
"Boy get back to that table and write!"
He stayed at the table for quite a while too.
Well later last night when Dude came in, he asked him about it. He presented his paper. I could tell from Dude's face that it wasn't good.
"So I can eat?" Dude responded. "No. Just stand there and tell me why you should listen to your parents?" he added.
Our son stood there with his head down, playing with his shirt and finally answered, "So you won't go to hell."
I choked on the wintergreen candy in my mouth.

The Turtle Whisperer Strikes Again

If you have kept up with my posts you already know about our kids' pets: the ever popular Michelle and Michael. For those new readers, Michael for the King of Pop and Michelle for our first lady.
Well the turtles stopped eating the new food we bought them, as if they are paying for it, so Daddy decided to get them some goldfish. I really was afraid it would traumatize the kids.
A few months ago we went to a pet store to get new food for them. I walked in and the sales person quickly asked what I needed. When I told him turtle food, he threw up his hands, smiled and said, "It's everywhere!" referring to all of the fish in myriad tanks throughout the store.
"Mama what's he talkin' about?" our son asked. I hesitated to tell him. "Turtles eat fish," I whispered.
"But you're not gonna give these little fish to our turtles to let 'em kill 'em are you?" our daughter asked.
So they knew what was about to happen when Daddy put the bag of four small goldfish in the tank. They gathered to the front of the tank and I immediately heard some sniffling.
"Hey! You two saw Lion King right? It's the circle of life," I told them.
It didn't help.
Our daughter was whispering something to the turtles. I couldn't make it out.
When Daddy finally let the fish out into the water, Michael and Michelle took off and swam to their cave. I couldn't believe it.
The kids jumped for joy! Then turned to us and stuck their tongues out, while they danced around.
The turtles slowly came out after about twenty minutes and climbed up on their floating rock. The nerves.
For the next few days the kids got up and checked the tank. "One, two, three... four little fish!" they cheered.
So now we have four new pets to feed.
Our daughter, the turtle whisperer strikes again!

Dude's Birthday

We celebrated Dude's birthday a few days ago! The kids and our babysitter made a cute little banner that they hung on the garage door. I almost destroyed it when I pulled up and routinely pressed the button above my visor in the car. I caught it in time to stop it and make it go back down.
I rushed in with the food and cake.
"What is this trash doing on the table?" I asked, eyeing some Christmas wrapping paper.
I reached for it when our son answered, "No Mama! That's Daddy's gift!"
How was I to know? I saw Christmas paper and it looked liked it had been balled up. I touched it and realized there was something in it. Instead of clear, scotch tape it was tapped up with masking tape, which barely stuck. I guess they played with it or something.
I looked at our sitter. She smiled and shrugged her shoulders.
"Oh, well I'm sorry 'bout that. I wasn't looking at it good," I assured him.
His sister was proud of her gift! "I made Daddy a card from his favorite little princess!"
"You're not a princess. Daddy just says that!" her compassionate little brother threw in.
"Well he will love everyone's gifts!" I said, trying to extinguish the little spat that was about to start.
"Everybody didn't get Daddy a birthday present," our son said, while looking at our sitter.
I smiled. "You don't always have to get someone something tangible, and she (referring to our teenaged sitter) didn't know."
"A tangerine mama?" our daughter asked. Before I could explain tangible our son said,
"You coulda got Daddy some of those chop sticks that y'all have!" he yelled.
I couldn't control my blinking. There have been many times when he and his sister have said things and I'd wished I could have stopped the words from coming out. This was one of those times.
Their babysitter is Asian-American.
Luckily we were able to laugh WITH her.
I pinched him on the sneak.
"Ouch! What was that for?"
I kept smiling.
So a few minutes later Dude came home. We were so busy talking that I didn't notice his lights coming into the driveway so he was in the house when we said, "Surprise!"
He read his card and then I passed him the mysterious gift. What could a six-year-old have given him with no job?
It didn't take much to open it.
I was drinking juice when it was revealed and almost sprayed our daughter.
"Wow! Thank you buddy. We can share this!" Daddy smiled and glared over at me.
It was his (our son's) toy. A Star Wars light saber we got him for Christmas about two years ago. I thought I'd given it to Goodwill. But there it was... scratched up and not working.

We Surrender!

Okay. Dude and I have about had it with trying to do the "right" thing and continue to tell our two kids to turn the other cheek and ignore other kids when they bother them. Besides they only have two. And we have continuously told them to tell an adult if another kid hits them. And someone needs to tell them not to tell me. It doesn't take much.
Now they will let other kids bother them but it doesn't take but a second for the two of them to be at it with each other. I guess that is how it is with some siblings.
Not sure how we got on the subject- maybe we were talking about aliens- and our eight-year-old, started talking about how a girl in her class called her a name. Now usually I calmly tell her to ignore that but hey, this girl's name has come up myriad times before for the same problem, so I was fed up.
"The next time she calls you a name, you call her the same name, or you firmly tell her not to call you that again!"
She didn't say anything.
"She keeps calling you names because you don't do anything," I told her.
It was quiet for about two minutes then she spoke.
"Next time she says something to me (pushing back her sleeves) I'm gonna say this to her (looking at her wrist) What time is it? (tapping her foot) Oh it's time for #*#*# to start being a little meanie isn't it?" And she was serious.
Dude and I looked at each other. We surrendered.
"Uh, honey don't even worry about it," I told her. "Don't even worry about it."

Ghosts

It's been sometime ago now, but our daughter asked me if I believed in ghosts. I'll bet it was probably near Halloween. More than likely I gave her a quick and firm "NO!" so she and our son would not be afraid.
Well it has come back on me.
While in her closet, quietly looking for something for her to wear the next day, I hear her leading their nightly prayers.
"Please bless all the homeless people, grandma, papa, our friends, Daddy and please forgive Mama for not believing in you-"
I pushed the shirt shirt back I was eyeing and interrupted.
"Ummm, wait a minute! Excuse me?"
"Mama! You not posed to break in when people are praying!" our son said.
I love prayers but I had to get to the bottom of this. Why did she think I didn't believe in God?
"What are you talking about?" I asked her.
She got up from her knees and hopped up onto her bed. Her brother followed.
"Well... I asked you if you believe in ghosts and you said you didn't believe in them."
I looked around for a minute and thought about the conversation. The only thing I could come up with was a conversation near Halloween.
"Okay..."I responded.
"Well if you don't believe in ghosts then you don't believe in God because there is a Holy Ghost," she said, while making air or finger quotes.
"What are you putting quotes around?" I asked.
I know that wasn't a big deal but I had to say something- she was treating me like an atheist or something!
"No. I do definitely believe in God (he keeps me from hurting them at times) and the Holy Ghost."
I had to explain to her why I said I didn't believe in ghosts initially and which ghosts I was referring to.
When I finished, they didn't say anything. They just got back on their knees to finish.
I stood just outside her bedroom door.
"Goodnight LADY!" she shouted, with her brother laughing.
"And you get to your room when you finish praying," I pointed to our son.
I went on downstairs feeling like I was going to be talked about. By the two smallest people in the house. I just hoped she wouldn't put my name on a prayer card at church saying that I didn't believe in God. I know how our two little ones are.