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Friday, January 05, 2007

Marriage 101

I need to write a book. A helpful guide for married couples. I'd keep it real and I'd even talk about the few- very few- times I am at fault. Few, few, few. I've learned a few things over the years about partnership and bliss: When it comes to an argument, women will win almost every time. Why? We have better memories and we can bring up things that aren't relavant to the argument at hand or old stuff, and consequently make our husbands experience a variety of emotions at one time: anger, guilt, curiosity, regret- the list could go on. And recently I discovered something new I can do (gosh I hope Dude don't read this one).

First let's review: It's "husband" and "daddy" when I'm not mad at him and "Dude" when I am.

Every now and then my husband will complain about us not spending quality time together. *this has come up since his football season ended, but once he has the boys coming in lifting weights the complaints will cease. Well he was watching a football game recently so I sat with him to watch and get my "quality time" in. I like to talk but when he is watching a game he is on another planet and doesn't come back down to earth until a commercial comes on.

I began to ask questions.... while the game was on, and while the ball was in play.

"What's the score?" Before he could answer, I followed with, "Oh, my bad I see it now."
He moved to the edge of the couch. I knew this meant he was really into the game now. I hear one of the analyst say something about "blitz". "What's that," I asked. He doesn't hear me, so I ask again, "What's that?" He turns to me as if he's bothered. "What's what?"
"Good Lord, I'm sorry I asked anything!" I replied. He closes his eyes and gives a long sigh. "No baby I'm sorry," he said and tries to comfort me. I fold my arms like a child having a tantrum. Quickly he is back into the game. Then I'm back at it. "Wooh! I like those uniforms." He rolls his eyes but doesn't comment. So I try again.
"Just go to the I-formation, gracious!" I shout at the television. I'd heard some analyst use this term before. "The I!" I repeat. He gives me a get-the-heck-outta- here look. I jump at the opportunity to go. "Well fine. I'll let you have the living room since I am gettin' on your nerves!" I tell him as I storm out the room. I went to our bedroom, flopped on our bed and flipped to Lifetime Television. Next time he's watching a game, I'll do it again and send myself shopping once I work his nerves. You know I'll be ready next time he says something about us spending more time together. I was basically put out and I'll use that in my argument.

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