Threat to Santa

I thought, after all the intended hints I made during the weeks leading up to Christmas, that our son had accepted that Santa was us!

Last year he left a note for Santa and I did not try to use a different handwriting- I used my own to respond. But it was obvious by Christmas Eve night that he hadn't accepted it.

He needed proof.

His little fingers were moving late December 24th. He wrote a firm note to Santa and requested Santa's check to his elaborate "Yes" "No" boxes. He told Santa NOT to think about eating any cookies before reading and replying to his note. The little rascal and his sister neglected to bake the cookies after harassing me to buy them.

He also wrote for parents nor grandparents to sign or check the boxes. As if!

The letter was a hoot! I had to take pictures!

Christmas Memories

It's Christmas Eve! It is killing our son to have to wait until morning to open his gifts. He just grabbed a candy cane from the tree and Daddy yelled, "No way!" I glared at him. "It's sugar and I do not want him wired tonight and up," he responded. I convinced him to let him have it. I mean it's Christmas time. "Okay. Maybe we can give him some hot chocolate spiked with some Ibuprofen," he mumbled.

He won't have to worry about the youngest one staying up late. He is never able to hang. He is all bark...no bite.

As I watch our son running around in his little elf hat, I started thinking about myself at that age on Christmas Eve. It was horrible what my uncles did! They convinced me that if I didn't shut my eyes really tight, not only would Santa not come down our chimney but he would shake salt and pepper in my eyes. I was young but I knew that if Santa was gonna bring me gifts he would have to come through the front door of our Section-8 apartment. But I really believed Santa would shake the salt and pepper in my eyes if they weren't tightly closed. So I laid still and closed my eyes tight... sweating... panting... hoping he would bring me that Easy Bake oven and that I would not get salt and pepper in my eyes nor would the ashes from my uncle's Newport cigarette get in my eyes.

And I caught one of my uncles and my mom eating the Chips Ahoy cookies I left on the coffee table! I remember getting up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom. I saw a cookie raised to my uncle's mouth as he walked through the long, red, noisy beads hanging in the doorway that connected our kitchen and living room. But obviously Santa was nice and forgiving because he still left the Easy Bake despite not getting the snack I left on the coffee table.

Four Days Before Christmas!

It's four days before Christmas! Our stockings have been hung by the... gas fireplace with care and we know Saint Knick will soon be here... sitting on the couch watching a movie and yelling, "Stop coming down here! Get in that bed!" while eating the fondled cookies the kids cooked for Santa. I will routinely get my pen out and edit the youngest's note left for Santa.

The youngest (eight) made myriad Christmas lists. I think he started in October. We received the final copy about two weeks ago. He took the time to put them in envelopes for Daddy, grandparents and me. He addressed each of us by our first names! Later I realized the nice envelopes went with some of my Christmas cards so four people will be getting a holiday card stuffed in a plain white business envelope.

He went so far as to list the item and the price! And on a few he cut out a picture of it and glued it beside the name. How considerate of him.

And finally, under our Christmas tree are only real gifts... that we (parents) have wrapped. Five years ago the kids had such big hearts. They used newspaper, masking tape and a little white athletic tape from Daddy's first aid kit, to wrap gifts for us! They used a Gordon's fish stick box to put SOME of our son's legos in. That gift went to Daddy. The other gifts basically consisted of broken toys or toys they no longer wanted.

I have hidden the masking, duct and scotch tape. I've also put away the wrapping paper, band-aids and boxes!

Black Friday

I haven't written in a few months but that certainly doesn't mean that nothing has happened. We put away the vertically-challenged Mario and fitted Luigi costumes. I'm hoping to sneak them out of the bin when the kids aren't looking, and donate them to Goodwill. I can hear the kids inquiring about them next year, "Did you sell our costumes?" I've had maybe three yard sales and consigned toys and clothes a few times and they treat me like a crackhead!

November came and ushered in the biggest shopping day of the year- Black Friday! We've never talked to the kids about this day. I thought it was pretty simple- people break their necks to take advantage of supposed huge mark downs. I mean it's shopping!

Well our youngest obviously didn't understand all of this. He came up with his own meaning. One of his classmates told their teacher while waiting to go home for Thanksgiving break, "I can't wait for Black Friday!" "Really? Why is that?" she replied. He couldn't believe she didn't know about Black Friday. "Well he (pointing at our son) told us in class that Black Friday is when all the Black people get to go buy things really really cheap!"

Mario, Luigi and Skippity as the Ghost

They are at it again! I surrender- throw my hands up! I realize we are not parenting experts but our two kids are intelligent and I thought we were doing a fairly good job. What they recently did has me a little skeptical about their futures and whether or not they will be ready to be on their own in about ten years.
Halloween is around the corner. I took them to Party City to get their costumes. I really thought our oldest is too old and too tall to still be dressing up. She's tall for a fifth grader but still a kid. So it was fairly easy to get costumes. They wanted Mario and Luigi costumes!
"Let me get an eight for him (pointing to our eight-year-old son) and a...um... (sizing our daughter up) what's the largest size you have for kids?" I asked the store associate.
"A fourteen!" he answered. "But she's kinda tall and we do have these costumes in the bigger (adult) sizes," he informed me.
I scanned the bigger size wall. Then went back to the kids' wall.
The fourteen was $19.99 and the bigger ones were $29.99.
Yes I know it was just a ten dollar difference but hey I could use that difference to get me two white chocolate mochas from Starbucks later in the week!
They tried them on and yes her one-piece was a little short and the crotch looked to be pulling but hey she could put on some blue socks to match it and call it a day. She wasn't complaining. Too busy practicing her Italian accent in the mirror with the mustache upside down.
The associate's eyes went directly to the bottom of the pants. "We could-"
"We'll take that one," I interrupted.
Unless he was going to add cloth to it or offer buy one get one free... his opinion was not gonna be needed anymore.
So they were elated! So elated that they tore into the costumes in the car on the way home. The giggling in the back seat with the attempted Italian accents made me turn the volume up on the radio.
"Hey! If you play with those mustaches and they don't stick on Halloween, I guess you will be using scotch tape, glue sticks or a black marker!" I warned them.
Well they weren't content with the two of them having costumes... they decided to make a ghost costume for Skippity.
I didn't know about it until I heard our son yell.
"She bit me!"
"Who bit you?" I asked as I ran to investigate.
His sister made the ghost costume and convinced her brother to put it on Skippity. And they thought it was okay.
Skippity is one of our two, red-eared slider turtles. And Skippity is feisty!
I could just see the little bubble above Skippity's head:
"Don't you realize I am a dag-blamed turtle?"

Are You Serious?

So our son comes in this morning and asked, "Can I have some of these?" He dangled the bag of sour gummy worms, coated with sugar in 3-D close to my face.
Pulling back I yelled,"No! You haven't had anything to eat for breakfast yet!"
A few minutes later he came in skipping and snatched up the gummy worms.
"Woah!" I yelled, as I snatched the bag from him. "I told you that you have to eat something first."
"I did!" he said.
"What did you eat that quick?"
He turned toward me with a black and white substance in the corners of his mouth.
"I ate some cookies!" he celebrated.
Was he serious? Yep...that's what is so funny
Guess I need to pull out the Food Guide Pyramid.

Game

The things our two little ones do are just... well I just can't think of a good adjective right now.
Daddy just told them that they were gonna start getting in the bed a little earlier. It's the summer so we have let them just stay up, but our oldest stays in the bed the next day as if she has a third shift job! It would be nice if she did because she eats as much I do.

Anywho...I have also told the two of them stories about things I did "back in the day" to get over on their grandma and grandpa. Had some successes and some failures. But I had game! They don't. And I am almost offended.

So we thought they were in bed. They were quiet and we hadn't heard from them for some time.
Well... the youngest comes in our room smiling and laughing.
"Guess what we're watching?"
I didn't answer. I just dropped my head and continued to read.
"What?" Daddy asked.
Still laughing and now joined by his sister, he answered, "The show with Keenan and Kel on Nickelodeon."
So of course they get fussed out and sent to bed. "Lights out, TV off!" Daddy yelled.
I had already given them ideas when I told them things I did. Put a towel under the door so the light can't be seen.
So they walk off blaming one another.
Shaking my head at them made me think about other hillarious things I did growing up. I remember my mom said she was going to spank me for something one day- no telling what it was. There was a long list of things to choose from back then.
So the day was coming to an end and it dawned on me- she hadn't given me the spanking. Oh I had to wake her up and get it over with. I shook her.
"Mama? Mama? Wake up," I whispered.
I had to wake her up. Had I let her sleep, she would have waken the next day refreshed and full of energy. Naw!