Keep Calm!

So our oldest will be finishing her last year of middle school this year and our youngest will be starting middle school. Big transition from elementary to middle school. Everyone dreads the topics kids in middle school will have and the main one is sex. But many students, nowadays, begin these discussions in elementary. In fifth grade many schools get parental signatures for an "introduction" about this topic, it's called "Family Life". It's presented, coincidentally, the last week of school. Yep! Get 'em all curious and send 'em home for about two months.

But we were ready! We have always kept the communication lines open. When they were very young, I told them the correct names for body parts. Daddy had a hard time but I wanted to be mature.
"Girls have a vagina and boys have a penis," I told them.
"Girls have a pocketbook and boys have a wee-wee," Daddy told them.
This is why our daughter confused a good friend when she stayed over one night. She asked her if she washed herself good and got all the toys out of the tub.
"Yep! And I washed my pocketbook too!" Our daughter replied as she skipped out of the bathroom. As my friend ran to get her pocketbook out of the water, our little one remembered and yelled,
"My vagina! It's a vagina! My daddy calls it a pocketbook."

And the look on a little boy's face when you are playing with his toes and reciting "This Little Piggy"? The last little toe piggy shouldn't be saying "wee-wee-wee" should he?

Well, those things are the least of our worries now.

So, a few weeks ago our son brought up the sex topic. He said he knew where babies came from and it wasn't the stomach. I didn't remember us telling him that they came from the stomach anyway. We could handle that topic. I calmly looked over at Daddy and mouthed the words, "Keep calm." There was a pause, then he also told us that he knew how babies got THERE. Uh oh!

"So Mama...(uh oh) you actually did THAT with Daddy TWO times?"
"What?" I snapped.
Daddy smiled and mouthed the words, "Keep Calm."
I knew I had to be mature about this.
"Why are you looking at me like it's all on me?" I asked.
Shaking his little head and looking at me with disgust he added, "Mama. I can't believe you had S two times."
Daddy was enjoying this. He WAS in the clear for some reason. But I knew I had to keep calm and take the high road.

"Daddy did it too! He started it." I snapped again.
Daddy jerked as if he was punched in the gut then said, "Okay. Okay. Let's all calm down."
But I was all in now. Too far gone. If I was going down...Daddy was going down too.
"And we did it more than two times! Daddy started it!"

Our son was in shock. He covered his eyes as if he caught us in the actual act. The room was quiet. Then Daddy said,
"What happened to Keep Calm?"